IN THE FACE!!!

One time ACE and I got a little drunk, I drove, we saw a girl get shot in the face, hit a car at a gas station, and stole a whole bunch of junk food on accident. Now that I have your attention here is the story.

ACE and I had been out all night, it was two am in the patch.(Springfield, MO) and we were hungry. We decided to go to Git N' Go by our house, which is also in the patch's ghetto, which in all reality isn't even close to a ghetto. I drove the magic Bonneville which was a bad idea, but I digress. When we were getting close to GNG we saw all sort of lights and sirens, at least 6 police cars, 2 fire trucks, and a couple of ambulances. ACE questioned the intel of driving into the lions den tipsy, but I assured him we were all good.

We parked front and center and get out. There is a lot of commotion by the front door as we walk in, but whatever, I want some Doritos and Slim Jim's. ACE and I walk into the store and there is no one in there, not even a cashier, we pick up at least $50 in junk food. We pile it on the counter and the clerk comes in from outside. "What's all the commotion outside for?" I ask. "A girl got shot IN THE FACE," he says. This starts ACE asking "IN THE FACE???!!!???," about 20 times. I chime in a couple and the clerk assures us that girl was shot IN THE FACE. There is so much confusion and commotion we pick up our stuff and walk out.

Now I notice the ring of people I didn't on the way in. This poor girl is yelling, blood is everywhere. All I am thinking is lets get out of here. We jump in the Bonny, I throw it reverse and then pop! ACE say, "dude you just hit that car!" True their was a Jeep behind us at a pump, but I assure ACE we just stopped short. We drive out of there and make it home to inspect Bonny. Sure enough, there is slight damage to the rear bumper, whatever, let's eat! As we are talking about seeing someone shot in the face and eating, we realize, we didn't pay for all this food! We just walked out with it. So in the span of 30 minutes, we drove a bit tipsy, saw someone shot in the face, hit a car, and stole a bunch of junk food on accident. If this is illegal, arrest me now.

The girl turned out to just be nicked by the bullet(thankfully), but we did not know this the next day and recanted our story to some friends. About half thought it was terrible because we were laughing about someone shot in the face, the other half quickly adopted the new catchphrase "IN THE FACE!" Use at your own discretion.

Mental Forecast: cloudy for the near term

I had a tough day with school yesterday and it kind of spilled over into today and I ended up thinking about it during my entire workout this morning. If you don't know I am in school to be a broadcast meteorologist. Working on my second bachelors degree is a lot harder than the first because of the math and science involved. Lots of calculus, etc. It only gets harder from here. So far I have been able to focus on the day to day, but I need to start thinking about the future, and kiddo.

I have to move about 2 hours away starting next fall for two years to finish my degree. This is going to involve a ton of driving back and forth to see kiddo. When I graduate it gets worse. I can't just get a job on TV in St. Louis, it is a top 20 media market. I have to move to the middle of nowhere and work my way up. I have to leave kiddo to pursue my career. Do I really want to do this? I will miss the formative years of kiddo, she will just be going to Kindegarten and I will be starting my broadcast career in who knows where.

I never wanted to live in St. Louis to begin with, but having a child changed my priorities, now I feel like I have to choose between my child and my dreams. I don't want to end up acting like a martyr and then harbour resentment later. On the other hand this has been my passion since I was a kid. I kind of think I see my answer, but it is still pretty cloudy.

If anything, I feel a bit angry and betrayed that I have to be in this situation in the first place. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change things I've done, choices I've made. Then there would be no kiddo at all, and I couldn't imagine that.

Please Lord, don't take me in my sleep

Kiddos mom sent her to me with a new stuffed animal. It was a prayer bunny, I push the button and it says something like "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and let the angels..." What? Thats not the prayer my parents told me it ended with "and if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." That's right at five years old I'm basically telling the Lord, "hey man if I pass away tonight in my sleep, go ahead and bring me up there please." Of course at the time, that didn't register to me, and it's kind of funny now, but what group got ahold of this prayer and decided to sanitize it?

This got me thinking what the hell else is being sanitized for kids these days and who is on a mission to turn them into a bunch of pansies. Then I look at my kids books, the titles these days are ridiculous. "Pinkalicous", "Super Princess Cupcake Day", "Happy Flowers and Sunbeams", "Everybody Gets A Trophy!" Ok so I made a few of those titles up, but seriously kids books are STOOPID these days. Trust me, I read a ton of them. So I found some Madeline books that I bought at a garage sale that were pretty old. We cracked it open the other night. This girl lives in a orphanage and in this particular episode of this series, the orphanage dog drowns, in front of the orphans, they get a new one and it gets taken away by the orphanage police. I mean no some princess has a party with her dolls and learns an important lesson. These orphan girls dog drowned, take that Pinkalicious! What your best friend can't come to your cupcake party? Boohoo. I'm not saying I want to raise a jaded little kiddo, but how about a more realistic one?

So I'm going to continue the tradtion of asking the Lord above not to take us in our sleep and incorporate some more kids books from back in the day. I'm pretty sure all those kids played in competition sports leagues, didn't have to wear leashes in public, and their parents didn't overly obssess about every detail of their kids lives. If anything, I think it will give kiddo a bit of an edge to make a decision on her own when she needs it in a tough situation and her parents aren't around. Instead of crying for mommy or daddy like the rest of the pansies.

stuff I like this week

On Friday I'm going to be lazy and post the stuff I find during the week that I like. I don't know why but my links won't appear with the blogger software so you have to copy and paste. It's not like i'm getting paid for this I don't see how I am violating any policy. I'm taking this thing to my own domain next week if you have any advice please send me a note. rseigfreid@yahoo.com


Music:

Miranda Lambert: I secretly want to marry a trashy chick and this is the one I would pick, plus her music is off the chain.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9RoEnIwoYI

Chalie Boy "I look Good" I know my taste in music is a total contradiction. Thats what happens when you raise a kid in rural Nebraska and he moves to STL.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANpephxhcEo

Clothes:
I bought some stuff from these sites recently, if you are wondering where I get pink shirts from you now know. If you want your kid to look as adorable as kiddo you can't miss with Lilly. On a side note, if any of you know a woman that wears Lilly Pulitzer, Vineyard Vines, Brooks Brothers etc introduce me. I'm seriously thinking about taking a trip to the South to woo a good Southern woman back to the STL.

http://www.lillypulitzer.com/Children/icat/kids"

http://www.vineyardvines.com

http://www.southernproper.com/

Blogs I like:

I went to school with this lady and she has captured some incredible moments with her photography of some friends wedding and is doing an upcoming wedding of some very close friends of mine. Her work is great, you should check it out, plus she has a really cool new product out. I wish I had more followers to drive some more traffic to her site, but I will do what I can.

http://www.edytaszyszlo.com/blog

That is all for the today, kiddo and I are headed to the lake house for Grandpa's bday. Look for me next week, I have a before kiddo story that is insane. I'm still calling people to fill in details so if I call answer the phone.

Toliet Humor

I got a coupon in the mail from Chipotle. It was for a free burrito. If you know me on a personal level you will know that I cannot resist a coupon, bargain, deal, sale, giveaway, etc. I scooped up kiddo an put her in the car seat and raced to Chipotle in Kirkwood. It is in the parking lot of Once Upon A Child, Dollar Tree, and there is a Wal-Mart across the street. It's kind of like what I want heaven to look like.

We get in, stand in line and I notice out of the corner of my eye the new weekly in the newstand. In STL it is called the Riverfront Times, but most people call it the RFT. Its the kind of rag that is full of ads for bars, bands, ladies of the night, apartments, attorney's, and occasionally they will run a feature story that is worth reading. They have an advice column in there I follow called Savage Love, written by Dan Savage. I pick it up to read during lunch.

After redeeming our coupon we find a place to sit and this place is packed. We were basically on top of four ladies that looked like they were on lunch from some type of office. They commented on the cuteness of my daughter and we exchanged pleasantries and then I got us situated. Kiddo is munching away so I open up the RFT and start reading Savage Love. This week it is one for the ages. I don't want to go into detail, but lets just say it involves a toliet plunger and a teenager exploring himself. I am laughing so hard I am crying. I'm kind of making a scene, but I can't help it. The ladies next to me take note and ask what I'm reading. I just kind of respond with a vague general answer. They look at the paper then me and I look at my cell phone for some reason. I go back to eating and and cleaning up kiddos mess, next thing I know they have picked up a paper also and are now reading Savage Love. Like I said I'm not going into details, but this column was really detailed which is why it was so funny. These ladies don't find it nearly as humorous as me and as they pass it around the table each one of their jaws drop and they look at me with questioning glances about my sense of humor and most likely my parenting ability. Of course I have my 2 year old daughter with me which makes it all the more uncomfortable! I am basically sharing a table with them we are so close so I have to make a decision. Do I stay and eat an awkward meal or do I get out of there before they ask where her mom is. I high tail it out of there and we finished our burritos in the minivan.

Heres a link to the column, read at your own risk.
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=2531572

30 Stones for 10 Bones

I'm going to start a new feature on my blog called Before Kiddo. I'd just like a record somewhere of the dumb stuff I've done before I get too old to remember it all.

I've got several drinking wounds on my chin, this is one of those wounds stories.

I was thinking about my friend JG the other night and remember an experience with him that somehow stuck in mind. As a matter of fact I have a lot of memories of doing stupid stuff with this guy so he might be a regular in my "before kiddo" posts. This particular episode happened about 11 years ago around this time of the year. JG and I were pledge class brothers in our fraternity and this night our fraternity threw a rocking bash at the house. We were freshman in college and our lives revolved around doing just enough homework to get by, Keystone Light, and women. That particular night I had a lot of Keystone in me, but was no way ready to end the party. As security broke it up the apartment complex behind us became the obvious place for us to congregate. JG and I went to an apartment on the second floor where they had moved all the furniture and turned their living room into a makeshift dance floor. We started dancing with a few choice ladies, and after a few songs we realized we had no beer left. At this point I remember this very well, I had 17 beers in me. We thought it was cool to count how many we had back then and I remember yelling I'm going for beer 18!! JG decided to come with me and not wanting to lose our shot at our girls we bolted out of the door toward the fraternity house. JG went first down the staircase. It was one of those apartment complexes where the staircase was outside and the landing was a concrete pad. He did some fancy move where he jumped after the first few steps and caught himself with the rails at the bottom with a nice landing. I tried the same with less successful results. I face planted at the bottom. I'm laying flat on the ground, bleeding, and literally spit out part of my back tooth and say to JG, "These are new pants, did I get a hole in them!?!?!" JG is freaking out, my chin is bleeding, he gets me up and we inspect them, sweet no hole. These were a new pair of Lucky Brand Courdoroys. They were like $100. Then he takes me to the house and an older fraternity brothers girlfriend cleaned me up.(Thanks JWM) Of course, I am responsible for ruining what could have been a good ending to the night, but I'm pretty sure we were wearing some pretty thick goggles anyway.

Next day I see the girl in the commons I was dancing with and she asked what happened to me last night. All I have do is point at the butterfly bandage on my chin and say, "beer 18."

Planes, Trains, Automobiles and a chicken costume

St. Louis is an all right city to live in. It's got its high points(low cost of living, sports teams, lots of free stuff to do) and it's low(high crime, looks like a bomb went off in half the city, way too much sprawl). So I like to get out as much as possible with kiddo and let her experience some other places. I know she is only 2.5, so really its more for me than her, but I like to take her along.

This leads us to travel quite a bit. We go to the Lake of the Ozarks constantly in the summer, Florida to visit Great Grandma and hit the beach, and recently we went to see some good friends in Cleveland for Halloween. This leads to me flying or taking Amtrak with kiddo quite a bit. I hate to drive by myself with her because she can be known to get bored and scream at the top of her lungs. So I prefer to have someone else do the navigating so I can read, color, play peek-a-boo whatever keeps her occupied. Apparently, I am the only man in the world that travels alone with a toddler. You would not believe the questions I get asked.

Question:
"The wife is letting you travel alone? She is brave."
Answer:
I usually just point to my ring finger.
Question:
"Where is her mom?"
Answer:
"I have no idea, but the safe money is on Target or Big Lots."
or alternate "Not with us." That usually leaves them bewildered.

I have gotten every variant of these, they used to bother me, now I just let it roll. Shortly after her mom and I split up, I took kiddo on a flight to Florida. I usually fly Southwest because screaming babies are the norm. Now I am sure I am quite a sight on a plane stooped over because I'm six and a half feet tall with a little girl in tow, so the flight attendant started a conversation with me and found out it was just us, blah, blah, blah. I think nothing of it. A little while later after all the pre-flight instructions she proceeds to tell the entire cabin about the brave dad and daughter traveling all by themselves! I'm mortified the whole cabin is looking around thinking who is this nutjob and where is this girls mommy? She is pointing at me, I do some dorky half wave and bury my head in SkyMall. Thankfully I didn't have anyone sitting next to us to strike up a conversation. She gives us extra attention the rest of the flight, two rounds of peanuts, hooray! She even puts kiddos juice in her sippy cup for me. Then I realized I'm on to something here, people look at us and get sad and want to help. I am taking full advantage of this. I have had old ladies carry bags for me, people let me go first in line, hell I even got a free cell charger by telling a lady at T-Mobile I needed to charge my phone so I could call kiddos mom and tell her when I would drop kiddo off. The other day on my way to Cleveland we woke up at 7:45 our flight is at 8:50. I'm out the door at 8:05 on the phone with Southwest screaming, "We aren't gonna make the flight, hold the plane!!!" She tells me to park in short term and run inside while taking our shoes off for security. I run in the front door of the terminal and I kid you not there was a Southwest worker waiting for us. She yelled, "your the guy going to Cleveland with his daughter and a chicken costume right?" Thats us I exclaimed. She had boarding passes, and a tag for my bag, took it from me and we got through security in record time and to the gate with five minutes to spare. Our bag even made it to Cleveland. You think they would of done that for Joe Schmoe that was going to a client meeting in Cleveland? Highly doubtful.

I figure if society is going to bend over backwards to help me out, instead of it ticking me off, I'm going to keep my mouth shut and use every advantage we can get.
So if you see the kiddo and I lumbering through the airport, train station, etc. Stop and say hello, and why yes, I could use some exta help with our bags.

I don't like it nor do I want to put a ring on it

I've met a realm of women since becoming a single dad. Liberal to conservative, broke students to women that made more money than I will probably ever make, women with children, women without. Usually I meet them in the normal places single people meet, library, gym, grocery store, etc. I have met a few in bars, but it is really hard for me to get out on the weekends because I have the kiddo. I've never had a successful relationship with a woman I have met at a bar and believe me I've tried plenty of times. Recently I tried my luck at internet dating and put up a profile on a well known site.

I was like the man in the online dating world. I mean, I know I'm tall, dark, and handsome, but I was getting more replies than I could process. Three women stuck out at me and I set up three dates, the last three dates I will ever go one from any internet dating site.

Date one: I'm going to call her magic camera, because she looked absolutely nothing like her pictures. We met for drinks at a local bar and she brought her very attractive sister along. Long story short, I ended up kissing her sister at the end of the night and never heard from her or magic camera again.

Date two: We will call her JIB because she worked at Jack In the Box. We met for lunch(not at Jack in the Box). She brought her child along which was a surprise. I know it is hard for single parents to date, but I cannot imagine bringing my daughter on a first date. I told myself early on in this my daughter would not be meeting any women unless it was very serious. My daughter has only met one potential suitor and that was after several months of dating. JIB didn't seem to think it was a big deal. We didn't really have any chemistry and just didn't pursue it any farther.

Phone Date Three: LS had sent me an email, I checked out her profile and was impressed. Great job, really good looking, never married, etc. I sent her an email and added her as a friend on facebook. That way if she was faking it like magic camera I could end communication. Facebook looked normal and she seemed like the real deal. We talked on the phone that night and after about 15 minutes, she said, "I really like you and I think if we end up getting married my dad is really going to like you to." Whoa, back the train up, I haven't even met you yet. Then she proceeded to tell me about a few cosmetic surgeries to enhance her features and I found a reason to get off the phone. The next morning I get up and have a flood of emails from facebook, "LS made a comment about your photo." They are really cutesy things about my daughter and I. Giant strike two LS. We talk again that night and she brings up marriage, again! I get off the phone and sprint to my desk to get her off my facebook account and delete my profile from this dating site. One hour later I get a text, "Does this mean I should erase your number." Yes, please.

About two months later I get curious about LS so I do some facebook spying. She has her profile open to the public so I check it out. She. is. engaged. Picture of the ring front and center with lots of gushy wall posts. Good Luck to you guys!

Rolling the dice

I don't have the kiddo on Monday. I also don't have a job. (I am in school full time to be a TV meteorologist) School work was caught up and boredom was beginning to set in. Then the mail came. Bill, bill, junk, wait what is this? Mail from my favorite casino!!! My players card had enough points that I got a free Thanksgiving meal complete with Turkey, sides, etc! I also got some match play bucks. All I have to do is go down to Lumiere and redeem it. I hopped into the mini-van in two seconds flat. I made it to the casino, parked still elated from my good fortune. I got to member services and waved my ticket and got a voucher good at any local Schnuck's store. Now what to do, well I'm in a casino on a Monday afternoon. I made a bee line to the Burger bar to see if the hot, flirty bartender was working.(I should know better by now than to be picking up bartenders, but that is a whole other post.) No dice, so I went and rolled the dice at the craps table. I played for about 30 minutes and won about a hundred bucks. Then I started to look around the table. This place is depressing, I think I was gambling with every derelict in the city. Then I started thinking wait, I'm the one in a casino on a Monday afternoon while most people are working. I cashed in my chips and went to Hometown Buffet for an early dinner by myself. Classy.

Why Hello!

I started a blog. I guess I'm self important enough to post the usually insane things that happen to me and my daughter I helped bring into this world. I have my daughter half of the time and her mom and I get along fairly well. Needless to say she has two loving homes.