Breakups are Fun

Have you ever had just a crazy ex you will never forget? I have a ton of them. I was on the phone yesterday with a good friend and was reminded of how crazy this one was.

I met Jen in a piano bar in Springfield, MO. She had a friend come right up to me to tell me she was interested, should have been tip off number one. I don't understand why hot girls have zero self esteem, but another blog altogether. Anyway, a relationship formed from this meeting and we had a fairly good one for about 6 months or so. If you know me on a personal level that is like 20 years for me. Anyway, it turns out she is just fucking crazy and terrible in bed to top it off. I'm wanting to break up with her, but don't do it because she has asked me to attend a cousins wedding in Georgia. The big day is just around the corner so we drive there because afterwards there is a family reunion we are going to attend! Her family is completely loaded and this wedding is off the chain, it is in a butterfly house, top of the line food, drinks, etc. Jen proceeds to sneak her 15 year old cousin drinks which I told her was stupid and not to do. Well, the cousin gets drunk and Jen's mom figures it out and calls her out on it in front of a bunch of people. I told her mom I asked her not do it and in front of a bunch of people Jen turns around and punches me in the face! I get a bloody nose and ruin my favorite tie. I am so pissed, here I am in Athens, GA which I drove to, with a bunch of people I don't know, and I have a bloody nose. I clean myself off, take off my tie and proceed to get plowed with her brother who I actually like. The reception ends and we head to a bar downtown. Jen get another underage cousin into the bar and gets her drunk as well! What is this girls deal. I end up carrying her cousin from the bar to the hotel and sneaking into her parents room and putting her in bed. The relationship is over at this point, but we have a family reunion to go to the next day. I make nice and pretend like everything is cool and then have an awkward 17 hour drive home. Long story short, I take her back for some reason and a week later we go out.

We get to the bar with my friends and have a few cocktails. She proceeds to tell my good friends girlfriend he is cheating on her, which is true, and a huge fight ensues. I break up with her immediately on the spot and she runs out of the bar. She is bombed so I have to get her home at least and flag a cab down. She is running from me hiding behind cars, just being insane. Finally I get her to the cab and we ride back to her parents house. They live in a really nice part of town and when we pull into the driveway she refuses to get out. She doesn't want to break up, is crying, and holding onto the oh shit handle for her life. Finally, I just go into her parents house at 2 in the morning, walk into the master bedroom and tell her mom her daughter refuses to leave the cab because I dumped her! I have balls of steel. Her mom gets her robe on and literally drags her from the cab kicking and screaming. The cab driver is congratulating me, her mom is flipping me off, and Jen is begging for me to change my mind. I get in the cab and haul out of there, that is the last time I ever saw her. Thank God.

I'm headed to the lake house with my daughter for the weekend in a few hours, have a great weekend everyone, if you are reading this and on the verge of a breakup just do it!