IN THE FACE!!!

One time ACE and I got a little drunk, I drove, we saw a girl get shot in the face, hit a car at a gas station, and stole a whole bunch of junk food on accident. Now that I have your attention here is the story.

ACE and I had been out all night, it was two am in the patch.(Springfield, MO) and we were hungry. We decided to go to Git N' Go by our house, which is also in the patch's ghetto, which in all reality isn't even close to a ghetto. I drove the magic Bonneville which was a bad idea, but I digress. When we were getting close to GNG we saw all sort of lights and sirens, at least 6 police cars, 2 fire trucks, and a couple of ambulances. ACE questioned the intel of driving into the lions den tipsy, but I assured him we were all good.

We parked front and center and get out. There is a lot of commotion by the front door as we walk in, but whatever, I want some Doritos and Slim Jim's. ACE and I walk into the store and there is no one in there, not even a cashier, we pick up at least $50 in junk food. We pile it on the counter and the clerk comes in from outside. "What's all the commotion outside for?" I ask. "A girl got shot IN THE FACE," he says. This starts ACE asking "IN THE FACE???!!!???," about 20 times. I chime in a couple and the clerk assures us that girl was shot IN THE FACE. There is so much confusion and commotion we pick up our stuff and walk out.

Now I notice the ring of people I didn't on the way in. This poor girl is yelling, blood is everywhere. All I am thinking is lets get out of here. We jump in the Bonny, I throw it reverse and then pop! ACE say, "dude you just hit that car!" True their was a Jeep behind us at a pump, but I assure ACE we just stopped short. We drive out of there and make it home to inspect Bonny. Sure enough, there is slight damage to the rear bumper, whatever, let's eat! As we are talking about seeing someone shot in the face and eating, we realize, we didn't pay for all this food! We just walked out with it. So in the span of 30 minutes, we drove a bit tipsy, saw someone shot in the face, hit a car, and stole a bunch of junk food on accident. If this is illegal, arrest me now.

The girl turned out to just be nicked by the bullet(thankfully), but we did not know this the next day and recanted our story to some friends. About half thought it was terrible because we were laughing about someone shot in the face, the other half quickly adopted the new catchphrase "IN THE FACE!" Use at your own discretion.

30 Stones for 10 Bones

I'm going to start a new feature on my blog called Before Kiddo. I'd just like a record somewhere of the dumb stuff I've done before I get too old to remember it all.

I've got several drinking wounds on my chin, this is one of those wounds stories.

I was thinking about my friend JG the other night and remember an experience with him that somehow stuck in mind. As a matter of fact I have a lot of memories of doing stupid stuff with this guy so he might be a regular in my "before kiddo" posts. This particular episode happened about 11 years ago around this time of the year. JG and I were pledge class brothers in our fraternity and this night our fraternity threw a rocking bash at the house. We were freshman in college and our lives revolved around doing just enough homework to get by, Keystone Light, and women. That particular night I had a lot of Keystone in me, but was no way ready to end the party. As security broke it up the apartment complex behind us became the obvious place for us to congregate. JG and I went to an apartment on the second floor where they had moved all the furniture and turned their living room into a makeshift dance floor. We started dancing with a few choice ladies, and after a few songs we realized we had no beer left. At this point I remember this very well, I had 17 beers in me. We thought it was cool to count how many we had back then and I remember yelling I'm going for beer 18!! JG decided to come with me and not wanting to lose our shot at our girls we bolted out of the door toward the fraternity house. JG went first down the staircase. It was one of those apartment complexes where the staircase was outside and the landing was a concrete pad. He did some fancy move where he jumped after the first few steps and caught himself with the rails at the bottom with a nice landing. I tried the same with less successful results. I face planted at the bottom. I'm laying flat on the ground, bleeding, and literally spit out part of my back tooth and say to JG, "These are new pants, did I get a hole in them!?!?!" JG is freaking out, my chin is bleeding, he gets me up and we inspect them, sweet no hole. These were a new pair of Lucky Brand Courdoroys. They were like $100. Then he takes me to the house and an older fraternity brothers girlfriend cleaned me up.(Thanks JWM) Of course, I am responsible for ruining what could have been a good ending to the night, but I'm pretty sure we were wearing some pretty thick goggles anyway.

Next day I see the girl in the commons I was dancing with and she asked what happened to me last night. All I have do is point at the butterfly bandage on my chin and say, "beer 18."