A Brother Thing

I'm visiting my brother in Nebraska for the weekend, so I thought I would write a tribute to one of the best stories we have together, as in not a heart warming one, but drunken debauchery gone wrong.

My parents used their American Express rewards points several years ago to buy a trip for the family to go to the premiere of A Guy Thing in Los Angeles. It included airfare, a huge suite at the W in Westwood, limos, red carpet walk, the premiere, and after party. I went out and got a new suit and pair of Ferragamo shoes just for the event. I was looking fly if I do say so myself.

The night of the event my family is all dressed up, we get into our Limo and start cruising around LA and have a few cocktails. We get to the premiere, walk the red carpet, all the papparazi are flashing away, it was very Hollywood. We are seated for the movie right behind Barbara Streisand and her husband James Brolin(he is in the movie). We watch the movie(it was entertaining) and go to the after party.

At the after party my brother and I proceed to get plowed on free booze and start getting our pics taken with a whole bunch of celebrities. It's amazing how brash you can be when you have some liquid courage. We even have some interesting conversations with Selma Blair, some other guy I forgot, and Jason Lee. Never met Julia Stiles though. Anyway we were making the rounds and my parents got us corralled up and taken to the limo. We got back to the hotel and my brother and I proceeded to stay at the Whiskey bar in the lobby and my parents retired for the evening.

This is where it gets hazy, we are buying drinks and charging them to the room, meeting some prime LA ladies(a nice change up from the usual Midwestern buffet), and having a great brother bonding time. I end up meeting this really hot commercial star at the time. It turns out she is loaded and lives in Beverly Hills. After being a total asshole to my brother we left together and she took me back to her house. This place was massive, we make it to her room, I get my pants off and pass out on her bed. I wake up in the morning with my suit coat still on and scream"I have to get to the airport!"

She wakes up and we get in her Bimmer and race back to the hotel. I hop out and promise to call and run to my room. I can't find my key so I have to knock and I am praying my brother answers. This was a two bedroom suite and ours was closest to the door. My mom answers and says, "Oh did you go get breakfast?" Then she looks at me and it registers I am just coming home and I kid you not, she says "You're gonna get AIDS!" Then she walked away.

I rush into my room to pack only to find my brother has thrown up all over it. We get our stuff together and walk down to the lobby as my dad is getting his bill and having a heart attack at the bar tab(sorry dad). We all have different flights because we all live in different places and as my parents drop me off at the curb I have a huge feeling of guilt that I should of stayed with my brother instead of leaving him alone to vomit all over our room. I could have been right there with him, but 7 years later, we are still good friends and have a great memory of going Hollywood for the only time it will probably ever happen in our lives. If you ever find yourself in that situation, abandon the chick and have a $15 dollar drink with your brother instead.

Barack Obama Boulevard and REK

I can't wait. Tomorrow at this time I will be at the Pageant in the STL with a great friend from college watching my favorite singer/songwriter Robert Earl Keen.

When I found out he was coming to town for his yearly stop I rolled down to the Loop to get my tickets at the box office. The "Loop" in St. Louis is the part of town that is a Volvo/Subaru/Prius gathering spot. These cars are generally complete with at least one Obama bumper sticker and at minimum one sort of cause they support. Cool, whatever, I'm a conservative so to each his own. As an aside I'm not one of those douchebag tea party members or anything(how embarrassing are those guys?) I'm more of a moderate.

Point is I'm strolling down the street and notice the city of STL has renamed the iconic street home to our best music venues and head shops, Barack Obama Boulevard. You have to be shitting me. I'm all for honoring great figures of history with a street every now and again, but this seems a little premature.

So tomorrow night as I am drinking Busch bottles and singing along with the greatest musician to grace the stage, I will pour a little of that beer out to honor you, Delmar Boulevard and all the great memories you gave me throughout the years.

Potty Training = FAIL

If you want advice on how to potty train your toddler don't bother asking me. When parenting became a single issue with me, I have to say I did pretty spectacular. My kiddo listens to me, is pretty good overall, and a very loving child. My view of kiddo is a proud one and I generally think she is pretty awesome as far as kiddos go.

I tried to start potty training about a month ago. I made a big deal about going to Wal-Mart and having her pick out her new underwear and some gummy worms as rewards. The first try she treated her new big girl underwear just like diapers and then pooped on my floor. New approach, I will physically put her on the potty every 30 minutes. She threw a tantrum, kicking, screaming, etc. I have repeated this scene every time I have her. The other day she actually pooped on the floor in the bathroom instead of the living room, so I think we are getting there. Then I have a conversation with one of kiddos friends moms and I said I couldn't wait to not have to wipe her butt anymore. She then explained you still have to wipe! WHAT IS THE POINT THEN?!??!?! She might as well stay in diapers as long as possible if I'm still doing the wiping. Plus, from what I hear once she is potty trained we won't be able to pass a bathroom without her needing to go. The only downside is I couldn't put her in toddler dance class at the community center because she has to be out of diapers, and that teacher is HOT. I guess there is some motivation for me. In the meantime, I will let you know how it goes.

Sure, Sure, Sure, Unsure, Unsure, Unsure

I've kind of tried to turn over a new leaf lately by improving my health through diet and exercise and reversing a few disturbing trends I've noticed with my hair loss, wrinkles, etc. Up until this point my beauty regimen has been a bar of dial soap, some Suave shampoo/conditioner, and a razor way past its shelf life for the 5 o'clock shadow. So I take a trip to Wal-Mart to get some lotion and deodorant. My hands and legs are getting really dry this winter. I find the shelf and notice off the bat a huge bottle of Vaseline for men(is there any other kind?) Toss it into the cart, deodorant time. I have been using Sure for ever, but something is off today. There is a new Sure next to my old standby and it is Sure for Men. Have I been using womens deodorant for all these years? My whole world is rocked, I pick them both up and examine them for several minutes. I even ask a lady in the aisle if Sure is for women, she has no idea. To make myself feel better I decide that Sure is for all people of the world regardless of gender, orientation, skin color. I bought the Sure for dudes, I already watch Bravo too much for a straight man and I don't need extra insecurity about my deodorant choice.