A Single Dad's Life

Eating Money

2010-04-23T12:37:00.000-07:00

My daughter was at a bar with her mom and her boyfriend, swallowed two quarters, began choking and the paramedics had to be called. I know that sounds awful so let me clear it up. The bar is the one her moms boyfriend works at, it was closed, and her mom gets paid to clean it every afternoon.

Kiddo has never done anything this crazy before so I am wondering how she got the idea. Her mom said she saw the quarters go into her mouth and the next thing she knew she is choking. One got all the way down and the other lodged in her throat. Kiddos mom yelled for her bf and called 911 and he got the one she way choking on out, and a cook in the back did the heimlich and Clare threw the other coin up. Then the fire department showed up and checked her out. Kiddo is completely traumatized by the entire incident. She is almost three and talks about everything. When I dropped her off at her moms the other day the first thing she said to her was, "Momma, I was bad. I throwed a fit and I was bad." Pretty much what happened. I asked her what happened today and she asked me not to ask her about it!

It really scared her mom. She called me right after it happened and you could tell she was upset. She signed up for a CPR class at the Red Cross and encouraged me to do the same. I think I will also, you never know when it will come in handy! The funny part is when I put her pajamas on last night I found a quarter in the pocket of the jean skirt she was wearing!

Headed to a wedding for the weekend. Have a good one!

Brownies and Births

2010-04-20T17:54:00.000-07:00

Some friends of mine are getting ready to have a baby and told me tonight about going to baby class to get prepared for the upcoming birth. I remembered back to my days of going to that class with the ex. I really had no idea what to expect, I wasn't even expecting to be expecting at that time in my life!

We did the class at the hospital closest to us and where we were planning on having kiddo. We did not have health insurance at the time and it looked like we were in good company. Lots of teenagers and their moms. There was only one other one other couple in the entire class. It lasts for about six weeks from what I remember, and I got some use full information out of it. Nothing I couldn't have learned reading a book.

The final class the nurse asked us to bring in a snack for the entire class. I don't remember what we brought, but there were some interesting choices on the table. My personal favorite was the box of Little Debbie brownies. I stuck with those since they were individually wrapped. We all go down to the lecture hall in the hospital and get comfortable with our food and she pops the projector on and shows us an actual birth. What the crap!?! We are all eating food and drinking soda here! Come on lady! I have never seen this happen before and stop in mid bite. It's like watching a train wreck. The educational video ends, lights come up, I toss my brownie in the trash and get pushed down the hall to the parking garage by the ex telling me "Come on its natural and beautiful." Or something to that effect.

Even though I was a bit shell shocked, I was prepared when kiddos bday finally rolled around and would highly recommend any first time dads to go to the class. Moms, you already know what to expect, so make your husbands/boyfriends go with you!

Breakups are Fun

2010-03-24T09:25:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had just a crazy ex you will never forget? I have a ton of them. I was on the phone yesterday with a good friend and was reminded of how crazy this one was.

I met Jen in a piano bar in Springfield, MO. She had a friend come right up to me to tell me she was interested, should have been tip off number one. I don't understand why hot girls have zero self esteem, but another blog altogether. Anyway, a relationship formed from this meeting and we had a fairly good one for about 6 months or so. If you know me on a personal level that is like 20 years for me. Anyway, it turns out she is just fucking crazy and terrible in bed to top it off. I'm wanting to break up with her, but don't do it because she has asked me to attend a cousins wedding in Georgia. The big day is just around the corner so we drive there because afterwards there is a family reunion we are going to attend! Her family is completely loaded and this wedding is off the chain, it is in a butterfly house, top of the line food, drinks, etc. Jen proceeds to sneak her 15 year old cousin drinks which I told her was stupid and not to do. Well, the cousin gets drunk and Jen's mom figures it out and calls her out on it in front of a bunch of people. I told her mom I asked her not do it and in front of a bunch of people Jen turns around and punches me in the face! I get a bloody nose and ruin my favorite tie. I am so pissed, here I am in Athens, GA which I drove to, with a bunch of people I don't know, and I have a bloody nose. I clean myself off, take off my tie and proceed to get plowed with her brother who I actually like. The reception ends and we head to a bar downtown. Jen get another underage cousin into the bar and gets her drunk as well! What is this girls deal. I end up carrying her cousin from the bar to the hotel and sneaking into her parents room and putting her in bed. The relationship is over at this point, but we have a family reunion to go to the next day. I make nice and pretend like everything is cool and then have an awkward 17 hour drive home. Long story short, I take her back for some reason and a week later we go out.

We get to the bar with my friends and have a few cocktails. She proceeds to tell my good friends girlfriend he is cheating on her, which is true, and a huge fight ensues. I break up with her immediately on the spot and she runs out of the bar. She is bombed so I have to get her home at least and flag a cab down. She is running from me hiding behind cars, just being insane. Finally I get her to the cab and we ride back to her parents house. They live in a really nice part of town and when we pull into the driveway she refuses to get out. She doesn't want to break up, is crying, and holding onto the oh shit handle for her life. Finally, I just go into her parents house at 2 in the morning, walk into the master bedroom and tell her mom her daughter refuses to leave the cab because I dumped her! I have balls of steel. Her mom gets her robe on and literally drags her from the cab kicking and screaming. The cab driver is congratulating me, her mom is flipping me off, and Jen is begging for me to change my mind. I get in the cab and haul out of there, that is the last time I ever saw her. Thank God.

I'm headed to the lake house with my daughter for the weekend in a few hours, have a great weekend everyone, if you are reading this and on the verge of a breakup just do it!

Random thoughts and covered in Sh$%

2010-03-23T11:59:00.001-07:00

So I take my dog for a walk on this unbelievably beautiful day and she takes a dump and I forget a bag. Luckily some good samaritan has thrown a plastic McDonalds cup in the gutter so I pick it up as a makeshift. It has some iced tea in it so I toss it and scoop up the dog shit. My dog by the way is way over weight and takes human sized smashes.(slang term for craps) feel free to use at will. This does not go according to plan, the cup is a little wet from recent rain and iced tea and I don't make a clean pick up. Some dog shit is up towards the top and starts mixing with the liquid. Then it starts running down the side of the cup, soon my hand is covered in dog shit and it is grossing me out. What do I do? Move the cup to the other hand for some inexplicable reason leaving me with two hands covered in dog shit. I was a good 15 blocks from home, so it was a great walk back.

I went to Nebraska to visit my brother recently and then down to Springfield, MO to take care of some school issues. I am amazed at how nice people are in other areas of the country. I can't tell you how many times I have gone through a transaction at the grocery store, gas station, etc, without one single word being uttered in the STL. I had several conversations with clerks on my roadtrip. I was struck at how nice people can be and it reinforced my general disdain for the town I live in. 16 more years and out of the STL!

As nice as it is out, I should be in a better mood, but something is off today. Until next time!

Sigs

A Brother Thing

2010-02-19T09:37:00.000-08:00

I'm visiting my brother in Nebraska for the weekend, so I thought I would write a tribute to one of the best stories we have together, as in not a heart warming one, but drunken debauchery gone wrong.

My parents used their American Express rewards points several years ago to buy a trip for the family to go to the premiere of A Guy Thing in Los Angeles. It included airfare, a huge suite at the W in Westwood, limos, red carpet walk, the premiere, and after party. I went out and got a new suit and pair of Ferragamo shoes just for the event. I was looking fly if I do say so myself.

The night of the event my family is all dressed up, we get into our Limo and start cruising around LA and have a few cocktails. We get to the premiere, walk the red carpet, all the papparazi are flashing away, it was very Hollywood. We are seated for the movie right behind Barbara Streisand and her husband James Brolin(he is in the movie). We watch the movie(it was entertaining) and go to the after party.

At the after party my brother and I proceed to get plowed on free booze and start getting our pics taken with a whole bunch of celebrities. It's amazing how brash you can be when you have some liquid courage. We even have some interesting conversations with Selma Blair, some other guy I forgot, and Jason Lee. Never met Julia Stiles though. Anyway we were making the rounds and my parents got us corralled up and taken to the limo. We got back to the hotel and my brother and I proceeded to stay at the Whiskey bar in the lobby and my parents retired for the evening.

This is where it gets hazy, we are buying drinks and charging them to the room, meeting some prime LA ladies(a nice change up from the usual Midwestern buffet), and having a great brother bonding time. I end up meeting this really hot commercial star at the time. It turns out she is loaded and lives in Beverly Hills. After being a total asshole to my brother we left together and she took me back to her house. This place was massive, we make it to her room, I get my pants off and pass out on her bed. I wake up in the morning with my suit coat still on and scream"I have to get to the airport!"

She wakes up and we get in her Bimmer and race back to the hotel. I hop out and promise to call and run to my room. I can't find my key so I have to knock and I am praying my brother answers. This was a two bedroom suite and ours was closest to the door. My mom answers and says, "Oh did you go get breakfast?" Then she looks at me and it registers I am just coming home and I kid you not, she says "You're gonna get AIDS!" Then she walked away.

I rush into my room to pack only to find my brother has thrown up all over it. We get our stuff together and walk down to the lobby as my dad is getting his bill and having a heart attack at the bar tab(sorry dad). We all have different flights because we all live in different places and as my parents drop me off at the curb I have a huge feeling of guilt that I should of stayed with my brother instead of leaving him alone to vomit all over our room. I could have been right there with him, but 7 years later, we are still good friends and have a great memory of going Hollywood for the only time it will probably ever happen in our lives. If you ever find yourself in that situation, abandon the chick and have a $15 dollar drink with your brother instead.

Barack Obama Boulevard and REK

2010-02-09T17:42:00.000-08:00

I can't wait. Tomorrow at this time I will be at the Pageant in the STL with a great friend from college watching my favorite singer/songwriter Robert Earl Keen.

When I found out he was coming to town for his yearly stop I rolled down to the Loop to get my tickets at the box office. The "Loop" in St. Louis is the part of town that is a Volvo/Subaru/Prius gathering spot. These cars are generally complete with at least one Obama bumper sticker and at minimum one sort of cause they support. Cool, whatever, I'm a conservative so to each his own. As an aside I'm not one of those douchebag tea party members or anything(how embarrassing are those guys?) I'm more of a moderate.

Point is I'm strolling down the street and notice the city of STL has renamed the iconic street home to our best music venues and head shops, Barack Obama Boulevard. You have to be shitting me. I'm all for honoring great figures of history with a street every now and again, but this seems a little premature.

So tomorrow night as I am drinking Busch bottles and singing along with the greatest musician to grace the stage, I will pour a little of that beer out to honor you, Delmar Boulevard and all the great memories you gave me throughout the years.

Potty Training = FAIL

2010-02-04T10:10:00.000-08:00

If you want advice on how to potty train your toddler don't bother asking me. When parenting became a single issue with me, I have to say I did pretty spectacular. My kiddo listens to me, is pretty good overall, and a very loving child. My view of kiddo is a proud one and I generally think she is pretty awesome as far as kiddos go.

I tried to start potty training about a month ago. I made a big deal about going to Wal-Mart and having her pick out her new underwear and some gummy worms as rewards. The first try she treated her new big girl underwear just like diapers and then pooped on my floor. New approach, I will physically put her on the potty every 30 minutes. She threw a tantrum, kicking, screaming, etc. I have repeated this scene every time I have her. The other day she actually pooped on the floor in the bathroom instead of the living room, so I think we are getting there. Then I have a conversation with one of kiddos friends moms and I said I couldn't wait to not have to wipe her butt anymore. She then explained you still have to wipe! WHAT IS THE POINT THEN?!??!?! She might as well stay in diapers as long as possible if I'm still doing the wiping. Plus, from what I hear once she is potty trained we won't be able to pass a bathroom without her needing to go. The only downside is I couldn't put her in toddler dance class at the community center because she has to be out of diapers, and that teacher is HOT. I guess there is some motivation for me. In the meantime, I will let you know how it goes.

Sure, Sure, Sure, Unsure, Unsure, Unsure

2010-02-03T08:48:00.000-08:00

I've kind of tried to turn over a new leaf lately by improving my health through diet and exercise and reversing a few disturbing trends I've noticed with my hair loss, wrinkles, etc. Up until this point my beauty regimen has been a bar of dial soap, some Suave shampoo/conditioner, and a razor way past its shelf life for the 5 o'clock shadow. So I take a trip to Wal-Mart to get some lotion and deodorant. My hands and legs are getting really dry this winter. I find the shelf and notice off the bat a huge bottle of Vaseline for men(is there any other kind?) Toss it into the cart, deodorant time. I have been using Sure for ever, but something is off today. There is a new Sure next to my old standby and it is Sure for Men. Have I been using womens deodorant for all these years? My whole world is rocked, I pick them both up and examine them for several minutes. I even ask a lady in the aisle if Sure is for women, she has no idea. To make myself feel better I decide that Sure is for all people of the world regardless of gender, orientation, skin color. I bought the Sure for dudes, I already watch Bravo too much for a straight man and I don't need extra insecurity about my deodorant choice.

IN THE FACE!!!

2009-11-18T08:59:00.000-08:00

One time ACE and I got a little drunk, I drove, we saw a girl get shot in the face, hit a car at a gas station, and stole a whole bunch of junk food on accident. Now that I have your attention here is the story.

ACE and I had been out all night, it was two am in the patch.(Springfield, MO) and we were hungry. We decided to go to Git N' Go by our house, which is also in the patch's ghetto, which in all reality isn't even close to a ghetto. I drove the magic Bonneville which was a bad idea, but I digress. When we were getting close to GNG we saw all sort of lights and sirens, at least 6 police cars, 2 fire trucks, and a couple of ambulances. ACE questioned the intel of driving into the lions den tipsy, but I assured him we were all good.

We parked front and center and get out. There is a lot of commotion by the front door as we walk in, but whatever, I want some Doritos and Slim Jim's. ACE and I walk into the store and there is no one in there, not even a cashier, we pick up at least $50 in junk food. We pile it on the counter and the clerk comes in from outside. "What's all the commotion outside for?" I ask. "A girl got shot IN THE FACE," he says. This starts ACE asking "IN THE FACE???!!!???," about 20 times. I chime in a couple and the clerk assures us that girl was shot IN THE FACE. There is so much confusion and commotion we pick up our stuff and walk out.

Now I notice the ring of people I didn't on the way in. This poor girl is yelling, blood is everywhere. All I am thinking is lets get out of here. We jump in the Bonny, I throw it reverse and then pop! ACE say, "dude you just hit that car!" True their was a Jeep behind us at a pump, but I assure ACE we just stopped short. We drive out of there and make it home to inspect Bonny. Sure enough, there is slight damage to the rear bumper, whatever, let's eat! As we are talking about seeing someone shot in the face and eating, we realize, we didn't pay for all this food! We just walked out with it. So in the span of 30 minutes, we drove a bit tipsy, saw someone shot in the face, hit a car, and stole a bunch of junk food on accident. If this is illegal, arrest me now.

The girl turned out to just be nicked by the bullet(thankfully), but we did not know this the next day and recanted our story to some friends. About half thought it was terrible because we were laughing about someone shot in the face, the other half quickly adopted the new catchphrase "IN THE FACE!" Use at your own discretion.

Mental Forecast: cloudy for the near term

2009-11-17T12:28:00.000-08:00

I had a tough day with school yesterday and it kind of spilled over into today and I ended up thinking about it during my entire workout this morning. If you don't know I am in school to be a broadcast meteorologist. Working on my second bachelors degree is a lot harder than the first because of the math and science involved. Lots of calculus, etc. It only gets harder from here. So far I have been able to focus on the day to day, but I need to start thinking about the future, and kiddo.

I have to move about 2 hours away starting next fall for two years to finish my degree. This is going to involve a ton of driving back and forth to see kiddo. When I graduate it gets worse. I can't just get a job on TV in St. Louis, it is a top 20 media market. I have to move to the middle of nowhere and work my way up. I have to leave kiddo to pursue my career. Do I really want to do this? I will miss the formative years of kiddo, she will just be going to Kindegarten and I will be starting my broadcast career in who knows where.

I never wanted to live in St. Louis to begin with, but having a child changed my priorities, now I feel like I have to choose between my child and my dreams. I don't want to end up acting like a martyr and then harbour resentment later. On the other hand this has been my passion since I was a kid. I kind of think I see my answer, but it is still pretty cloudy.

If anything, I feel a bit angry and betrayed that I have to be in this situation in the first place. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change things I've done, choices I've made. Then there would be no kiddo at all, and I couldn't imagine that.

Please Lord, don't take me in my sleep

2009-11-14T14:38:00.000-08:00

Kiddos mom sent her to me with a new stuffed animal. It was a prayer bunny, I push the button and it says something like "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and let the angels..." What? Thats not the prayer my parents told me it ended with "and if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." That's right at five years old I'm basically telling the Lord, "hey man if I pass away tonight in my sleep, go ahead and bring me up there please." Of course at the time, that didn't register to me, and it's kind of funny now, but what group got ahold of this prayer and decided to sanitize it?

This got me thinking what the hell else is being sanitized for kids these days and who is on a mission to turn them into a bunch of pansies. Then I look at my kids books, the titles these days are ridiculous. "Pinkalicous", "Super Princess Cupcake Day", "Happy Flowers and Sunbeams", "Everybody Gets A Trophy!" Ok so I made a few of those titles up, but seriously kids books are STOOPID these days. Trust me, I read a ton of them. So I found some Madeline books that I bought at a garage sale that were pretty old. We cracked it open the other night. This girl lives in a orphanage and in this particular episode of this series, the orphanage dog drowns, in front of the orphans, they get a new one and it gets taken away by the orphanage police. I mean no some princess has a party with her dolls and learns an important lesson. These orphan girls dog drowned, take that Pinkalicious! What your best friend can't come to your cupcake party? Boohoo. I'm not saying I want to raise a jaded little kiddo, but how about a more realistic one?

So I'm going to continue the tradtion of asking the Lord above not to take us in our sleep and incorporate some more kids books from back in the day. I'm pretty sure all those kids played in competition sports leagues, didn't have to wear leashes in public, and their parents didn't overly obssess about every detail of their kids lives. If anything, I think it will give kiddo a bit of an edge to make a decision on her own when she needs it in a tough situation and her parents aren't around. Instead of crying for mommy or daddy like the rest of the pansies.

stuff I like this week

2009-11-13T07:26:00.000-08:00

On Friday I'm going to be lazy and post the stuff I find during the week that I like. I don't know why but my links won't appear with the blogger software so you have to copy and paste. It's not like i'm getting paid for this I don't see how I am violating any policy. I'm taking this thing to my own domain next week if you have any advice please send me a note. rseigfreid@yahoo.com

Music:

Miranda Lambert: I secretly want to marry a trashy chick and this is the one I would pick, plus her music is off the chain.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9RoEnIwoYI

Chalie Boy "I look Good" I know my taste in music is a total contradiction. Thats what happens when you raise a kid in rural Nebraska and he moves to STL.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANpephxhcEo

Clothes:
I bought some stuff from these sites recently, if you are wondering where I get pink shirts from you now know. If you want your kid to look as adorable as kiddo you can't miss with Lilly. On a side note, if any of you know a woman that wears Lilly Pulitzer, Vineyard Vines, Brooks Brothers etc introduce me. I'm seriously thinking about taking a trip to the South to woo a good Southern woman back to the STL.

http://www.lillypulitzer.com/Children/icat/kids"

http://www.vineyardvines.com

http://www.southernproper.com/

Blogs I like:

I went to school with this lady and she has captured some incredible moments with her photography of some friends wedding and is doing an upcoming wedding of some very close friends of mine. Her work is great, you should check it out, plus she has a really cool new product out. I wish I had more followers to drive some more traffic to her site, but I will do what I can.

http://www.edytaszyszlo.com/blog

That is all for the today, kiddo and I are headed to the lake house for Grandpa's bday. Look for me next week, I have a before kiddo story that is insane. I'm still calling people to fill in details so if I call answer the phone.

Toliet Humor

2009-11-12T11:57:00.000-08:00

I got a coupon in the mail from Chipotle. It was for a free burrito. If you know me on a personal level you will know that I cannot resist a coupon, bargain, deal, sale, giveaway, etc. I scooped up kiddo an put her in the car seat and raced to Chipotle in Kirkwood. It is in the parking lot of Once Upon A Child, Dollar Tree, and there is a Wal-Mart across the street. It's kind of like what I want heaven to look like.

We get in, stand in line and I notice out of the corner of my eye the new weekly in the newstand. In STL it is called the Riverfront Times, but most people call it the RFT. Its the kind of rag that is full of ads for bars, bands, ladies of the night, apartments, attorney's, and occasionally they will run a feature story that is worth reading. They have an advice column in there I follow called Savage Love, written by Dan Savage. I pick it up to read during lunch.

After redeeming our coupon we find a place to sit and this place is packed. We were basically on top of four ladies that looked like they were on lunch from some type of office. They commented on the cuteness of my daughter and we exchanged pleasantries and then I got us situated. Kiddo is munching away so I open up the RFT and start reading Savage Love. This week it is one for the ages. I don't want to go into detail, but lets just say it involves a toliet plunger and a teenager exploring himself. I am laughing so hard I am crying. I'm kind of making a scene, but I can't help it. The ladies next to me take note and ask what I'm reading. I just kind of respond with a vague general answer. They look at the paper then me and I look at my cell phone for some reason. I go back to eating and and cleaning up kiddos mess, next thing I know they have picked up a paper also and are now reading Savage Love. Like I said I'm not going into details, but this column was really detailed which is why it was so funny. These ladies don't find it nearly as humorous as me and as they pass it around the table each one of their jaws drop and they look at me with questioning glances about my sense of humor and most likely my parenting ability. Of course I have my 2 year old daughter with me which makes it all the more uncomfortable! I am basically sharing a table with them we are so close so I have to make a decision. Do I stay and eat an awkward meal or do I get out of there before they ask where her mom is. I high tail it out of there and we finished our burritos in the minivan.

Heres a link to the column, read at your own risk.
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=2531572

30 Stones for 10 Bones

2009-11-11T11:17:00.000-08:00

I'm going to start a new feature on my blog called Before Kiddo. I'd just like a record somewhere of the dumb stuff I've done before I get too old to remember it all.

I've got several drinking wounds on my chin, this is one of those wounds stories.

I was thinking about my friend JG the other night and remember an experience with him that somehow stuck in mind. As a matter of fact I have a lot of memories of doing stupid stuff with this guy so he might be a regular in my "before kiddo" posts. This particular episode happened about 11 years ago around this time of the year. JG and I were pledge class brothers in our fraternity and this night our fraternity threw a rocking bash at the house. We were freshman in college and our lives revolved around doing just enough homework to get by, Keystone Light, and women. That particular night I had a lot of Keystone in me, but was no way ready to end the party. As security broke it up the apartment complex behind us became the obvious place for us to congregate. JG and I went to an apartment on the second floor where they had moved all the furniture and turned their living room into a makeshift dance floor. We started dancing with a few choice ladies, and after a few songs we realized we had no beer left. At this point I remember this very well, I had 17 beers in me. We thought it was cool to count how many we had back then and I remember yelling I'm going for beer 18!! JG decided to come with me and not wanting to lose our shot at our girls we bolted out of the door toward the fraternity house. JG went first down the staircase. It was one of those apartment complexes where the staircase was outside and the landing was a concrete pad. He did some fancy move where he jumped after the first few steps and caught himself with the rails at the bottom with a nice landing. I tried the same with less successful results. I face planted at the bottom. I'm laying flat on the ground, bleeding, and literally spit out part of my back tooth and say to JG, "These are new pants, did I get a hole in them!?!?!" JG is freaking out, my chin is bleeding, he gets me up and we inspect them, sweet no hole. These were a new pair of Lucky Brand Courdoroys. They were like $100. Then he takes me to the house and an older fraternity brothers girlfriend cleaned me up.(Thanks JWM) Of course, I am responsible for ruining what could have been a good ending to the night, but I'm pretty sure we were wearing some pretty thick goggles anyway.

Next day I see the girl in the commons I was dancing with and she asked what happened to me last night. All I have do is point at the butterfly bandage on my chin and say, "beer 18."

Planes, Trains, Automobiles and a chicken costume

2009-11-10T15:07:00.000-08:00

St. Louis is an all right city to live in. It's got its high points(low cost of living, sports teams, lots of free stuff to do) and it's low(high crime, looks like a bomb went off in half the city, way too much sprawl). So I like to get out as much as possible with kiddo and let her experience some other places. I know she is only 2.5, so really its more for me than her, but I like to take her along.

This leads us to travel quite a bit. We go to the Lake of the Ozarks constantly in the summer, Florida to visit Great Grandma and hit the beach, and recently we went to see some good friends in Cleveland for Halloween. This leads to me flying or taking Amtrak with kiddo quite a bit. I hate to drive by myself with her because she can be known to get bored and scream at the top of her lungs. So I prefer to have someone else do the navigating so I can read, color, play peek-a-boo whatever keeps her occupied. Apparently, I am the only man in the world that travels alone with a toddler. You would not believe the questions I get asked.

Question:
"The wife is letting you travel alone? She is brave."
Answer:
I usually just point to my ring finger.
Question:
"Where is her mom?"
Answer:
"I have no idea, but the safe money is on Target or Big Lots."
or alternate "Not with us." That usually leaves them bewildered.

I have gotten every variant of these, they used to bother me, now I just let it roll. Shortly after her mom and I split up, I took kiddo on a flight to Florida. I usually fly Southwest because screaming babies are the norm. Now I am sure I am quite a sight on a plane stooped over because I'm six and a half feet tall with a little girl in tow, so the flight attendant started a conversation with me and found out it was just us, blah, blah, blah. I think nothing of it. A little while later after all the pre-flight instructions she proceeds to tell the entire cabin about the brave dad and daughter traveling all by themselves! I'm mortified the whole cabin is looking around thinking who is this nutjob and where is this girls mommy? She is pointing at me, I do some dorky half wave and bury my head in SkyMall. Thankfully I didn't have anyone sitting next to us to strike up a conversation. She gives us extra attention the rest of the flight, two rounds of peanuts, hooray! She even puts kiddos juice in her sippy cup for me. Then I realized I'm on to something here, people look at us and get sad and want to help. I am taking full advantage of this. I have had old ladies carry bags for me, people let me go first in line, hell I even got a free cell charger by telling a lady at T-Mobile I needed to charge my phone so I could call kiddos mom and tell her when I would drop kiddo off. The other day on my way to Cleveland we woke up at 7:45 our flight is at 8:50. I'm out the door at 8:05 on the phone with Southwest screaming, "We aren't gonna make the flight, hold the plane!!!" She tells me to park in short term and run inside while taking our shoes off for security. I run in the front door of the terminal and I kid you not there was a Southwest worker waiting for us. She yelled, "your the guy going to Cleveland with his daughter and a chicken costume right?" Thats us I exclaimed. She had boarding passes, and a tag for my bag, took it from me and we got through security in record time and to the gate with five minutes to spare. Our bag even made it to Cleveland. You think they would of done that for Joe Schmoe that was going to a client meeting in Cleveland? Highly doubtful.

I figure if society is going to bend over backwards to help me out, instead of it ticking me off, I'm going to keep my mouth shut and use every advantage we can get.
So if you see the kiddo and I lumbering through the airport, train station, etc. Stop and say hello, and why yes, I could use some exta help with our bags.

I don't like it nor do I want to put a ring on it

2009-11-10T07:33:00.000-08:00

I've met a realm of women since becoming a single dad. Liberal to conservative, broke students to women that made more money than I will probably ever make, women with children, women without. Usually I meet them in the normal places single people meet, library, gym, grocery store, etc. I have met a few in bars, but it is really hard for me to get out on the weekends because I have the kiddo. I've never had a successful relationship with a woman I have met at a bar and believe me I've tried plenty of times. Recently I tried my luck at internet dating and put up a profile on a well known site.

I was like the man in the online dating world. I mean, I know I'm tall, dark, and handsome, but I was getting more replies than I could process. Three women stuck out at me and I set up three dates, the last three dates I will ever go one from any internet dating site.

Date one: I'm going to call her magic camera, because she looked absolutely nothing like her pictures. We met for drinks at a local bar and she brought her very attractive sister along. Long story short, I ended up kissing her sister at the end of the night and never heard from her or magic camera again.

Date two: We will call her JIB because she worked at Jack In the Box. We met for lunch(not at Jack in the Box). She brought her child along which was a surprise. I know it is hard for single parents to date, but I cannot imagine bringing my daughter on a first date. I told myself early on in this my daughter would not be meeting any women unless it was very serious. My daughter has only met one potential suitor and that was after several months of dating. JIB didn't seem to think it was a big deal. We didn't really have any chemistry and just didn't pursue it any farther.

Phone Date Three: LS had sent me an email, I checked out her profile and was impressed. Great job, really good looking, never married, etc. I sent her an email and added her as a friend on facebook. That way if she was faking it like magic camera I could end communication. Facebook looked normal and she seemed like the real deal. We talked on the phone that night and after about 15 minutes, she said, "I really like you and I think if we end up getting married my dad is really going to like you to." Whoa, back the train up, I haven't even met you yet. Then she proceeded to tell me about a few cosmetic surgeries to enhance her features and I found a reason to get off the phone. The next morning I get up and have a flood of emails from facebook, "LS made a comment about your photo." They are really cutesy things about my daughter and I. Giant strike two LS. We talk again that night and she brings up marriage, again! I get off the phone and sprint to my desk to get her off my facebook account and delete my profile from this dating site. One hour later I get a text, "Does this mean I should erase your number." Yes, please.

About two months later I get curious about LS so I do some facebook spying. She has her profile open to the public so I check it out. She. is. engaged. Picture of the ring front and center with lots of gushy wall posts. Good Luck to you guys!

Rolling the dice

2009-11-09T18:45:00.000-08:00

I don't have the kiddo on Monday. I also don't have a job. (I am in school full time to be a TV meteorologist) School work was caught up and boredom was beginning to set in. Then the mail came. Bill, bill, junk, wait what is this? Mail from my favorite casino!!! My players card had enough points that I got a free Thanksgiving meal complete with Turkey, sides, etc! I also got some match play bucks. All I have to do is go down to Lumiere and redeem it. I hopped into the mini-van in two seconds flat. I made it to the casino, parked still elated from my good fortune. I got to member services and waved my ticket and got a voucher good at any local Schnuck's store. Now what to do, well I'm in a casino on a Monday afternoon. I made a bee line to the Burger bar to see if the hot, flirty bartender was working.(I should know better by now than to be picking up bartenders, but that is a whole other post.) No dice, so I went and rolled the dice at the craps table. I played for about 30 minutes and won about a hundred bucks. Then I started to look around the table. This place is depressing, I think I was gambling with every derelict in the city. Then I started thinking wait, I'm the one in a casino on a Monday afternoon while most people are working. I cashed in my chips and went to Hometown Buffet for an early dinner by myself. Classy.

Why Hello!

2009-11-09T18:25:00.001-08:00

I started a blog. I guess I'm self important enough to post the usually insane things that happen to me and my daughter I helped bring into this world. I have my daughter half of the time and her mom and I get along fairly well. Needless to say she has two loving homes.